i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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