This girl is more easily done than said...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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