Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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