My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
