Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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