If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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