last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
