Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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