shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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