Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
