HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
50% drunk capacity currently
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
