I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
