that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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