captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
