I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
