Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
