I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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