I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just invented taco cereal.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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