Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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