made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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