like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
