I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
