Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
