you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize