im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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