I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
