I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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