and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
