Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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