i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
