I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
