Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
