she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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