I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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