the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
