Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You dont lie about slip and slides
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
