I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
