Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize