Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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