dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
