her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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