allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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