Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
