how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
