I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
