I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
