Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
