There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
