Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
barbara walters just said penis...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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