I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
