my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
