the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
