Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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