6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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