Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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