turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
