smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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