She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
