This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
