omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
