I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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