just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
